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|We hope you enjoy your stay and return soon.
Please do not forget to take your medication!*
*Codename: SONIC VOODOO, the Mad Dog Mental Institution, and sonicvoodoo.com are not liable for possible side effects of your medication.
Potential side effects include eye itching, nipple rash, excessive foot hair, and / or anal leakage. Use at your own risk
|New Drugs for Women
BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to Latin heartthrobs.
ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering pre-schoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.
FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
DAMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8 hours!
|Public Health Notice:
As you know all drugs have generic names such as Acetaminophen, Ibuprofen, or Minoxidil. The FDA has finally come up with a generic name to give to Viagra. It will be known as Mycoxafloppin.
|"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."
|Medical Developments For Men
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer the manufacture, is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."
In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit.
Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. President.
This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."
This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.